Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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