Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
