so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
