I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
