Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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