I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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