I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
