I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize