Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
