Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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