I can tuck mytits in my pants
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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