We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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