Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
