so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How many fucks given?
0.12846
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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