so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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