Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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