There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
