Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
