is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
