Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
