guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
