We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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