i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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