i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
