And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
