Barsexuality is the new black.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
