you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
