There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize