Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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