I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Mom said you looked used
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Text me some of your sweat
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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