I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize