you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
And then he peed in my hair
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