All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize