I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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