i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
