he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
