Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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