You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
