Yo dont text me then not text me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
