I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I am available for nakedness
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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