woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
