I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
