So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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