Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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