none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
That's intense
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
