Kareoke will never be a sober sport
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
