So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
