If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize