I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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