They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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