Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
