College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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