So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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