my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
