Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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