I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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