According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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