How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
