One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
