everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize