Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
