i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
These tits shall not be calmed
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
