We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
