I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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