Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
