forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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