I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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