Soap is not a condiment
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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